片名：超 急 情 圣
Yo, not gonna lie.
好吧！说实话
- This sound...
光听到开机声，我就搭帐篷了
gets me hard as a fucking rock.
But I don't like to go too fast right off the bat.
但我不喜欢速战速决
I'd rather work my way into it, nice and easy.
我喜欢照我的节奏来
才会爽又轻松
So I'll start off with some stills.
先用火辣照片暖机
然后开始有感时
Then, once I'm getting into it,
就换影片接手
I start looking for a video.
还没到重点片段，就绝不碰我老二
I never actually touch my cock till I find the right clip.
但飞机一起飞
Then, once I do...
...goodbye
再见了塔台
For the next few minutes, all the bullshit fades away,
接下来的几分钟
我的小小世界中只剩下
and the only thing in the world is those tits...
双峰
that ass...
翘臀
吹喇叭，骑马式
the blowjob, the cowboy,
背后式，口爆等等
the doggy, the moneyshot, and that's it. I don't gotta say anything,
废话少说，只要完全放松
I don't gotta do anything. I just fucking lose myself.
直冲天堂，享受高潮！
There's only a few things I really care about in life.
我人生只追求几件事而已
我的体格
My body...
my pad...
我的房间
my ride...
我的爱车
my family...
我的家人
Amen.
阿门
my church...
我的信仰
- my boys...
我的死党
my girls...
马子们
还有我的AV片们！
and my porn.
热爱 AV 片听来很怪，但老实说
I know that last one sounds weird, but I'm just being honest.
任何东西都比不上它，包括女人
Nothing else does it for me the same way. Not even real pussy.
And, yo, I get plenty of that.
我的D槽超满的！
Why you think my boys call me The Don?
不然我兄弟干嘛叫我唐公子
冏男孩近来可好？
Jonny Boy! - Don Jon, what's good, baby?
What up? - You good?
你还好吧？ - 我还好
I'm all right. - Jonny, look at me.
唐冏看着我，你真的没事？
Everything good with you? - What's the matter with this guy?
这啥问题
Come here, you animal! - Get the fuck off of me!
过来混蛋！ - 你他妈给我滚开！
单兵呼叫前方紫色的
Real talk, real talk. Purple.
That's not bad. - It's better than "not bad."
还算不错吧
比不错还好吧，你还没看到她转身
You ain't see her turn around. - You calling her a seven?
给7分吗？ - 是8分！最少有8分
An eight. At least an eight. - That is not an eight.
不到8分噢！
她的脸蛋有8分，但胸部扣4分
She's cute in the face, you can maybe call the face an eight, tits are a four.
Yeah, but the butt, man, it's exceptional. I'm telling you. It changes everything.
但你看她的屁股，太赞了！
我告诉你，她能让你爽翻天
该死！ - 安怎？
Shit! - What?
冤家路窄！
Sequins. Don't look. Don't look. - What? Who is that?
别看，别看
怎样啦？那是谁？ - 你不记得她？
You don't remember her? - She's coming over here.
兄弟，她朝这边走来！
因为你一直盯着她！
'Cause you're staring right at her.
Look who the fuck it is. - How you doing?
看看这混蛋是谁？ - 你好吗？
Why didn't you call me back? - Come on. You're a grown woman.
你干嘛不回我电话
拜托！你都几岁了
没听懂 "再联络" 这词？
Did you think I was gonna call you back?
You're pathetic, you know that? Every week you got a new bitch.
你真可悲！每个礼拜都带个新贱货
Then Why'd you come home with me?
你怎么不跟我回家？
Fuck you!
去你妈的
- Eight. - No, that might be a nine.
8分 - 应该有9分
你耍我啊？只有7
- You shitting me? That's a seven. - You're out of your fucking mind!
疯了你！
我给8分，你依然是纪录保持人
I gave you the eight, your record's intact. Chill out.
你听到了吧？大家都知道这记录
You heard what she said? Everyone knows about the streak.
- You're sick. You know that? - I don't know what's wrong with me.
你病的不轻！ - 我不知道我哪不对劲
哇靠！我的妈！ - 什么？哪里？
- Oh, my... damn! - What? What? Where?
- Red. - Holy shit! That's a dime.
红色
我的妈呀！天菜降临！
- That is a dime. - Nah, she's hot, but it's not a dime.
真的是天菜！
她超辣的！绝对不只如此！
我是没上过金发妞，但这个绝对满分
I don't even mess with blondes like that, but that there is a dime!
- Fuck yeah. - I don't know, there might be
不一定！我想她也许衣服里没料
- some lasagna up in there. - I don't think so.
一定没有！有的话一定会挤出来！
Definitely not. She keep her shit tight, you can tell.
我不确定
- No. I don't know. - See, he likes that skinny shit.
他就喜欢超瘦的马子
远看像名模，近看像名魔
He likes that skinny, high-fashion, looks-like-a-boy shit.
去你的！ - 说的有理，大哥是对的！
- Fuck you! - Admit it!
- He's kind of right, man, you do. - I don't like more than a handful of titty.
听着！我不喜欢无法一手掌握的咪咪
No, no, no, no, no. No. A nice handful, I love it, but more than that, it's like no!
不不要刚好一手掌握
太多就腻了
她会让我想到我的老母
Shit starts to remind me of my mom or something.
- Jesus Christ. - Your mom do got some big-ass titties.
对！你老母有大屁股和大奶
别提我老母行不行！ - 是你先提老母的！
- Don't talk about my mother. - You brought up your mother.
不喜欢这款，代表你病得不轻
If you don't like that, there's something wrong with you.
我没说不喜欢，我只是说她不算天菜
I didn't say I didn't like it. I said it's not a dime.
- That's incorrect. - She's taller than you anyway.
妈的！反正她比你高！
去你的，小冏！ - 我要上了！
- Fuck you, Jonny. - I'm playing, come on.
You gonna get that?
你要开把了吗？
我要蔓越莓伏特加
Let me get a vodka-cranberry.
小冏！ - 帅哥你好啊！
Jonny! - Sammy-boy, how you doing?
喝啥？
- You good? - Let me get a Grey Goose and soda.
给我灰雁伏特加不加冰
- What makes you think you could do that? - Do what?
你现在是玩哪招？ - 小花招
- Get the fuck out of here. - You wanna go somewhere?
给我滚开啦！噢！那你想去哪呢？
- Fuck you. - You wanna fuck me?
操你的！
原来你想操我！难怪你强吻我
- Is that why you kissed me? - I didn't kiss you.
谁他妈吻你了！ - 你啊！
Yeah, you did.
停！我说真的停！
Stop it, I mean it. Stop it.
Come on. Let me buy you a drink. It's early.
好啦！我请你喝一杯，时间还早啊
你要去哪？
- Where you going? - I told you where I was going.
跟你说过我该回家了
Come on! Wait a minute!
喂！等等啊！妈的
Shit!
Yo. Headband.
嘿！头巾
不，我不爱
Nah, I don't know.
See? This is what I'm saying.
看吧！就像我说的
Real pussy's all good. But I'm sorry.
妞就是难搞，很麻烦地
It's not as good as porn.
她们就不能像A片一样吗？
胸部
Tits?
Great.
过关
屁股
Ass?
Great.
没问题
Blow-job
帮我吹？有真人吹当然好
Sure, it's fucking fantastic in person... if she'll do it.
如果她愿意的话！
但现实中，要怎么收获先要怎么栽
But in real life, if you wanna get head, you gotta give head.
Lower. Not that low!
低一点！
太低了！
I know, some guys love eating pussy, but the thing about those guys is,
我知道有些男人，爱帮人口交
这些男的脑子根本有洞！
they're fucking crazy.
Don't get me wrong, I like a good pussy-eating clip.
别误会！我也爱看舔鲍鱼那一段
但换你亲自上阵，那根本不好玩了
But, from down here, there's nothing good about this.
And if she does finally decide to do you the big favor...
终于，换她赐予你一个天大的恩泽
...she's in a fucking hurry.
但却像赶通告，敷衍了事
Now, when it comes to the actual fucking...
说到了真人实战
第一保险套，超烂的发明
First of all, condoms are terrible. They just are.
But you gotta wear one, 'cause,
但是你一定要戴，因为
- unlike porn, real pussy can kill you.
跟A片不同
真的鲍有毒！
第二烂
Second of all, missionary is the worst position in all of fucking.
传教士是最烂的体位
因为躺下奶子就平了
The tits lie flat, you can't see her ass,
也没法看到屁股
you can't touch her ass, 'cause she's lying on her back.
摸不到后面的翘臀
她们不爱背后式，因为她们想看着你
They won't let you do it from behind, 'cause they wanna look at you.
所以基本上，就像在做苦力
And basically it's on me to do all the work.
想颜射？
Moneyshot? No. There is no real-life moneyshot.
做梦！现实中不可能
她们更不会让你中出
Real girls won't do that shit. You just gotta cum into the fucking condom.
只能乖乖射在保险套里
所以你评评理
So, you tell me, which looks better?
哪个较好？
这个？
This?
还是这个？
Or this?
Jesus! What are you fucking retarded?! You're fucking retarded!
老天！你连路都不会开？
你真他妈的白痴！
这不是脑残！那什么才是脑残
You're a retarded person and you're driving a fucking car!
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
以圣父圣子圣灵之名，阿门
阿门，愿主保佑你，我的子民
- Amen. Bless you, my son. - Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
神父原谅我，我有罪
It has been one week since my last confession.
我上次告解是一个礼拜前
坦诚你的罪
- Tell me your sins. - Since last Sunday, I had sexual relations
这礼拜我乱打两次炮
out of wedlock two times. I also watched pornographic videos and masturbated 17 times.
我也看A片，DIY 17次
我很抱歉所犯下的罪
For these and all the sins of my life, I am sorry.
十遍主祷文，十遍圣母经 - 谢谢神父
- Ten Lord's Prayers and ten Hail Marys. - Thank you, Father.
愿神赐予你宽恕与平静
Through the ministry of the Church, may God give you pardon and peace,
and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
我以圣父圣子圣灵之名赦免你的罪
阿门
Amen.
真他妈鬼扯！
Bullshit! Bullshit! Did you see that? That was fucking bullshit. Bad call.
你看到了吗？那球根本犯规
去他妈的老天
- Jesus fucking Christ! - Jon!
冏爸！
简直乱搞你看到没？
- Fucking bullshit. Did you see that? - Nah, I didn't see it. What happened?
不！我没看到，怎么了
他们居然重播！踢烂球不断重播
They'll do a replay. They better do a fucking replay.
Unless they just don't want us to see how bad that fucking call was.
这些贱人就是脚勤
你干嘛不按暂停？
Why don't you get the thing where you can pause...
喂！混蛋！重播键在哪？
- Assholes, where's the replay?! - Dad, there's a thing you can pause
你可以暂停跟后退
- and rewind. - What are you talking about?
你在说什么鬼啊？
它是数位的，你就可以倒带再重看
It's digital. You just rewind and watch it.
我没录下这段
- I'm not taping this. - No, I know you're not taping it.
不！我知道你没录
- Are you people serious, no fucking replay?! - I'm not talking about a VCR.
真的假的？就说无法重播！
我不是指VCR
How do I know what the fuck you're talking about?
我怎么听不懂你在说啥小？
I don't know, I guess 'cause most American people have heard of TiVo.
我肯定多数人都听过 "全多录"
那些活在数位时代的人！
Most people that pay attention to the world around them!
好啦！闭嘴闭嘴！妈的！
Here it is. Shut up already, finally. Shit!
你真的没听过？
- You seriously never heard of that? - Yes! I've heard of it, Jesus fucking...
我他妈的听过啦！该死！
There! Look, his foot's on the line! Look at that bullshit!
那里你看！他越界了，看看那个混蛋
冏爸！好了啦
- Jon! All right already! - So if you've heard of it,
如果听过，现在怎么不懂？ - 你有没看到那混蛋？
- what is it? - Did you see that?
爸！我在问你问题！ - 这该死的
- I'm asking you a question. - It's a fucking thing...
Wait a minute. Did you see that? I'm asking you.
等等，你有在看吗？
我在问你话！你有专心看吗？
- Did you? - Nah, I didn't see it.
不，我没看到
Why not?! What the fuck's the matter with you?
你搞啥啊？是怎么样？
I said look at this play, I said it right to you!
我说看这个转播，就在你面前
我叫你做这点小事，都办不好！
I ask you to do the easiest fucking thing, and you can't do it!
至少我知道“全多录”是啥
- At least I know what a fucking TiVo is. - I know what a fucking TiVo is!
我当然知道“全嘟录”是什么！
他妈的“全嘟录”是吗？
You want a TiVo? Is that what you're saying?
我最爱他妈的“全多录”
- I would love a fucking TiVo. - Who do you love?
你爱谁？
他爱“全嘟录”但就不爱足球
He loves TiVo. He sure as shit don't love football. We know that.
我们都知道
总有一天，坐在这里吃饭
One of these days, I'm gonna sit down here and start eating, and you're gonna say,
而你开口说
“妈，我找到我的真命天女了”
- "Mom, I found her." Ma!
总会有一天的
One of these days.
Holy Mary... Mother of God...
圣母玛利亚神之母
现在为我祈祷在死亡时刻
...pray for us now...
...and at the hour of death...
Amen.
阿门
Hail Mary... full of grace...
圣母玛利亚，承您恩典
All right, I'll admit,
好吧！我承认，有时也会发生悲剧
there are some downsides.
Like there's the times you find a great clip, with a hot chick.
影片好不容易找到的辣妹
准备火力全开
And right when you're starting to cum, it shows the guy.
然后镜头停在男的
Fuck! Goddamn it!
干！这啥小！
It's no one's fault, really, but it still sucks. So...
这不是任何人的错，但感觉糟透了
Also, nowadays you got so much
现在有很多类型A片可以选
to choose from, finding just the right clip can take a lot of time.
但要找到有感的那段要好久
我的时间宝贵
And my time is precious to me.
Yeah, I got shit to do. So...
得尻很多次，所以
And, every once in a while,
后来每次，找到很赞的片段
you find a clip that's so good, it's fucking depressing.
总会有蛋蛋的忧伤
就会想，为何那些女生不能像这样？
And you're thinking to yourself, why can't real pussy be like this?
You know, I smash new girls all the fucking time,
你知道，我总能找到女人上床
都是8分以上的好货，但还是无感
always an eight or better, and it's still never this good. What am I doing wrong?
是哪里出了问题？
你想要跟我交往吗？
也许该试试其他方式，所以
Maybe it's time to try something new. So...
Yo, you remember that dime from last week?
你还记得上礼拜的天菜吗？
啥？ - 金发洋装妹？
Oh, shit.
The blonde in the dress? She was insane, bro. You hit that?
她真是太赞了！你上她了？
没有！你这死酒鬼
No, I didn't, you fucking alcoholic, I saw you after she left.
我看到你跟着她离开喔
去你的唐冏！
- Fuck you, Jonny! - I thought you made that happen.
我以为你搞定了
没！我后来找其它目标
- I threw it to this other random. - Typical.
是经典款 - 也许有8或9分
- Probably an eight or nine. - Six or seven.
6, 7而已
他妈给我闭嘴，你又带哪款回家？
Shut the fuck up! Who'd you take home, huh?
2, 3分的，宝贝！
Twos and threes, baby. I'm telling you, twos and threes are some open-minded ladies.
让我告诉你 2,3分的女生比较好把
- I wanna find that girl. - You get her name?
我想找到那女生
你有她名字？
- Her name? - First and last name.
她的名字？
她的姓跟名！
I'm looking for her name, first and last name.
我想问她的姓名
我不知道，你要问去他
Shit, I don't know. You know who would?
- Barbara Sugarman. - Sugarman?
芭芭拉舒格曼
舒格曼？
Thanks, bro.
谢了！兄弟
- OK, what was it again? - Barbara Sugarman.
来吧！再说一次
芭芭拉舒格曼
你有看到她吗？ - 还没
- You see her anywhere? - No.
喔，该死！
- Oh, shit! - That's her?
是她？ - 肯定是她！
- That's definitely her. - Oh! Got you, bitch!
总算找到你了！
What you wanna say? You gotta say something.
先传讯息！有什么想说？
靠！说啥？
- Really? - A girl that bad gets mad friend requests.
坏女孩脸书上，总有疯狂的交友邀请
- Fuck! - I think it's dinner. Maybe even lunch.
可以约吃晚餐，或者午餐
可能还要约她喝咖啡 - 真是麻烦！
Might have to take this girl out for coffee.
是啊！追求就像马拉松
- Christ! - Yeah, this is the long game.
不跑，你会连芭芭拉的车尾灯都看不到
You're not getting that butt from Barbara Sugarman anytime in the immediate future.
你这态度就先输一半了
If you had it like that, it would have went down.
你说得完全正确
You're right. You're totally right. Shit!
我知道你认为自己是情圣
I know, I was about to say, the mighty Don bringing out the long game?
居然要追女生！
但她是天菜
- She's a dime, but... - This girl's more than a dime.
这女孩不只天菜等级！
拜托别这样！姬量表就是1到10分
Come on, son. There's no such thing, that's the point, it's a scale from one to ten.
我是说这女孩
- I'm saying, this girl... - Oh, my God!
老天！你该不会爱上她了？
- You in love with this girl already? - Go fuck yourself.
关你屁事！
- Hi. - Can I help you?
嗨！ - 需要帮忙吗？
给我两个座位
- Yeah, two for lunch. - Sure. Right this way.
好的，这边请
Hey.
嘿！
你好吗？ - 不错，你好吗？
- How are you? - Good. Good. How you been?
- How did you get my Facebook? - Oh. Getting right to it.
你怎么弄到我脸书？
噢！单刀直入！
当然
- Yeah. - I just looked up your name.
就搜寻你名字
我没告诉过你
- I didn't tell you my name. - Obviously you did, 'cause I looked it up.
很显然地你有！我就马上搜寻
不！我绝对没有说过我名字
- No, I definitely did not tell you my name. - Yeah, you did.
有呀！你提过 - 提过的话我会记得
- I think I would remember. - No offense, but you were pretty wasted
我不想冒犯，但你那晚醉翻了
- the other night. So was I. - Can I get you some drinks?
我也是 - 要喝点什么？
请给我零卡可乐 - 可乐
- Diet Coke, please. - A Coke.
Coke and a Diet Coke. I'll be right back to take your order.
可乐和零卡，我马上回来帮您点菜
I had a few drinks the other night,
我那晚是喝了几杯
也许有说到我的名
so I may not have remembered telling you my first name,
但一定没有提到我的姓
but I definitely did not tell you my last name.
就跟你说啰 - 别骗我！
- I'm telling you... Hey! - Don't lie to me.
听着，你不懂我，所以这次原谅你
Look, you don't know me, so I'm gonna let you off the hook this time.
但相信我，如果永远对我说实话
But trust me, in the future you'll be much happier if you always tell me the truth.
你的未来才会更快乐
等等我会更快乐？
Wait, wait, wait, I'll be happier?
不信我能让你更快乐？如果我愿意的话？
You don't think I could make you happy if I wanted to?
所以你怎么知道我名字的？
So how did you find out my name?
我四处问来的 - 你四处打听我？
- I asked around. - You asked around about me?
是啊！ - 挺有趣的
- Yeah. - That's interesting.
为什么？ - 什么为什么？
- Why? - Why? What do you mean why?
你干嘛到处打听我？
- Why did you ask around about me? - 'Cause I wanted to.
因为就想打听你
- 你想约我吃午餐？ - 是啊
- You wanted to take me to lunch? - Yeah.
别说谎
- Don't lie. - OK, I asked around about you
好吧！打听你是想让你下不了床
'cause I wanna fuck your brains out. Is that what you want me to say?
这是你想听的答案吗？
- Well, at least you're being honest now. - Let me ask you a question.
至少你现在很诚实
换我问你一个问题
Why did you come here, huh? Why did you say yes to me?
那为何你来了？
为何你愿意出来？
这是个好问题 - 所以？
- That's a very good question. - Yeah, so?
你得自己慢慢找答案
You're gonna have to wait to find out.
好啊！我很有空
- All right. I got time. - Really? You got time?
是吗？你很闲？
不过那天，你看起来似乎挺急的
It seemed like you were in a big hurry the other day.
我心情不好时，就会那样
I can be that way when I'm shit-faced.
你很可爱，是我的菜
You're cute, I like you.
是吗？ - 是啊
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
Listen, you wanna know the truth?
你想知道一件事吗？
This is the truth.
这是实话
你是我这辈子见过最美的事物！
You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life.
You like movies?
你喜欢看电影吗？
I don't watch too many movies.
我不太看电影
I used to watch 'em a lot when I was a little
小时候常常看电影
kid, before I could get my hands on any porn.
那是我还没进入A片世界以前
当时我以为，看辣妹只能到电影院看
Back then, if I wanted to see a really hot
girl, my best bet was to watch a movie.
你喜欢这部？
- That's the one you like? - Oh, it's so great.
这片好赞，我喜欢他们两个
- I love these two. And you? - Yeah. They're great.
对！这两个很棒
但现在，真的搞不懂干嘛看电影
But now, I don't really see the point.
I don't know, I guess I'm missing something.
我很困惑，我猜我少了某些细胞
因为大部分的人都会乖乖买帐
Because most people eat that shit up.
一个美女
The pretty woman.
一个帅哥
The pretty man.
一见钟情
Love at first sight.
一吻定情
The first kiss.
先分手
- The breakup. - I felt that!
再复合
- The makeup. - I'm scared.
豪华婚礼后，他们驶向夕阳
The expensive wedding, and they drive off into the sunset.
根本就是逢场作戏，但大家却投射为真实人生
Everyone knows it's fake, but they watch it like it's real fucking life.
She was the most important thing to him. He gave up everything for her.
她是他的生命，而他可以为她放弃全部
It was just meant to be.
这就是命中注定！
- I love movies like that. - Yeah, it was great.
我最爱这种电影！
嗯！很好看
He's just such a real man. And she's so beautiful too, always.
他如此英俊潇洒
而她永远漂亮美丽
她吗？不，她太瘦了
- Her? No, she's too skinny. - Yeah.
- What? - You wanna know who's beautiful?
你想知道谁最美丽吗？
- What makes you think you could do that? - Do what?
你怎么每次都玩这招？
哪招呢？
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.
以圣父圣子圣灵之名，阿门
阿门，神保佑你，我的子民
- Amen. Bless you, my son. - Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
神父原谅我，我有罪！
我上次告解是一个礼拜前
It has been one week since my last confession.
坦诚你的罪
- Tell me your sins. - Since last Sunday I did not have
我上周日戒掉胡乱打炮了
sexual relations out of wedlock.
我吻了一个女孩好几次，就那一个
I did kiss a girl, this one girl, out of wedlock, several times,
但就只是亲亲
but it's just kissing. I don't know, I forget if that counts, so...
我不知道这算犯规吗？
我也看A片，OGC22次
Also, I watched pornographic videos and masturbated 22 times.
我很抱歉所犯下的罪行
For these and all the sins of my life, I am sorry.
十遍主祷文，十遍圣母经
- Ten Lord's Prayers and ten Hail Marys. - Thank you, Father.
谢谢神父
愿神赐予你宽恕与平静
Through the ministry of the Church, may God give you pardon and peace,
and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, of the Son
我以圣父圣子圣灵之名，赦免你的罪
- and the Holy Spirit. - Amen.
阿门
Introducing the charbroiled, not fried, codfish sandwich,
“卖荡劳 全新菜色”炭烤鳕鱼堡
非油炸，低热量，无香精
only at Carl's Jr. and Hardee's.
More than just a piece of meat.
一口咬下，吃到的不只是鲜肉
各位！是黄灯！妈的
Oh, go! Jesus. It's a yellow light! Fuck you!
Our Father... Who art in heaven...
天上的父
尊你的名为圣
愿你的国来临
...hallowed be Thy name... Thy Kingdom come...
旨意奉行
人间如同上天
...Thy will be done...
...on earth...
as it is in heaven...
不 - 怎么了？
- No. - No... What?
- Not out here. - So let's go inside.
别在这里 - 那我们进房
Mm-mm.
干嘛不进去？
- Why not? - It's not time for that yet.
时机还没到
你确定？
- You sure? - Yeah. We barely know each other.
我们根本不熟
我们很熟啊
Yeah, we do, pretty much.
我还不认识你朋友 - 我朋友？
- I don't know your friends. - My friends?
Mmm...
想见见你的麻吉
- I wanna meet your friends. - Those guys are assholes.
他们是一群混蛋
是吗？ - 是的！
- Yeah? - Yeah.
And you don't know my friends.
而且你也不认识我朋友
- Or our families. - Wait, our families?
还有彼此的家人 - 等等！家人？
Yeah. I wanna meet your parents and your sister.
是啊！我想见见你的父母跟妹妹
- Oh, Jesus! - What? You don't wanna meet my brothers
怎么？你不想见我兄弟姐妹吗？
- and my sister? - Uh...
他们很想会会你
- 'Cause I know they wanna meet you. - Yeah... I bet they do.
喔我想也是
Mmm...
Mm-hm.
- Jon. - Yeah?
小冏！ - 啥？
- I can't let you come inside just yet. - No?
我们上床的时机还未到
怎会？
No, 'cause I don't know what that would mean. You know?
因为我们还没深入了解彼此
I don't want to do anything unless it means something.
我不想发生无意义的肉体关系
Uh-huh...
Mm... Don't you think it's always better when it means something?
你不觉得，有意义的上床比较好吗？
是啊
- Yeah. - Mm...
I think you should go back to school, baby.
我想你该去上课了！
什么？
What?
- Yeah, come on. Just a night class. - Oh, my God!
上夜校还是要认真 - 我的天！
把学位拿到手，你会成为万人迷！
- Just get your degree. - Oh!
- You would be so sexy with a real job. - Mm!
Mm-hm! Yeah...
找天你我的朋友一起吃饭，你觉得如何？
So, what do you say? You, me and our friends, we go out sometime?
- Oh, yeah. Yeah. - Yeah? And our families meet, huh?
好啊！ - 好？
那跟我家人碰面呢？
- Oh! - Yeah?
好吗？ - 好啊
- Yeah. - Mm...
And you take one night class for me, baby? One little class?
那为了我，到夜校好好上课，宝贝？
- Oh! Oh! - Huh? Yeah? Yeah?
好吗？好吗？
- Yeah! Oh! - Come on, baby, cum... cum...
好吧！
来吧！宝贝！来吧！
Mm-hm! Uh-huh.
- Nice. - Oh, Jesus...
太赞了！ - 噢老天！
Yeah.
你真可爱
You're so cute.
Call me.
再约
- Baby! - Baby, what?
宝贝！ - 怎
宝贝 - 宝贝
- Baby. - Baby...
放闪光快弄瞎我们了！
- You guys having a good time? - You bitch, I don't wanna hear it.
说啥我都听到了！
- Jesus Christ. - A toast. Let's make a toast.
致词了！我想说一下话，听这边
Everyone listen up. You get up too. This is for you. Come on. Get up.
你也起立！这是献给你的，请起身
- Oh, God. - All right.
大家都知道，今晚是我们认识满一个月
You guys know tonight is me and this girl's one-month anniversary.
从第一次见到她开始算起
I'm counting that from the first time I ever saw her, 'cause ever since then,
我从未有这样的热恋
I've felt the same way. She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life.
她是我今生见过最美的女孩
敬你，宝贝
- To you, baby. - No, to us.
不，敬我们！
To us.
敬我们
- Mwah. Cheers. - Cheers!
干杯！ - 干杯！
God bless.
上帝保佑
- So, what's he do? - He's in school.
他现在做什么工作？
他在读书
- Oh, the family's got money? - No, he's got a job.
他家里给他钱？
不是！他有工作
- Retail? - No.
业务员？ - 不是
服务员？
- Service? - Yeah.
没错，他肯定有胸肌！
He's definitely been spending time at the gym.
对啊！他很规律在健身
- Right? I know. He is so disciplined. - You guys work out together?
你们会一起去运动？ - 还没
- Mm-mm. No. - Does he do that muscle guy thing
那他在做爱时，会不会喜欢看你帮他含？
where he's, like, looking at himself while you're doing it?
喔，我们还没做耶！
- Oh. We haven't done it yet. - Shit, really?
见鬼了！真的假的
天啊！不可思议！
- Oh, my God. That's so amazing! - All right. I like him.
好吧！我佩服这家伙
Goddamn! White shorts.
妈的！白短裤！
- Nah. - What? Come on, that's a dime!
不优！
搞啥？那是满分耶！
哪里有满分
- That's not a dime. - I'm sorry, but I'd rather do that
我宁愿上这个也不要选你马子
- than do yours. - You faggot motherfucker!
你这怪胎 - 我爱谁关你屁事
- I can like any girl I wanna like. - But she's not hotter than my girl.
她又没我马子正
也许是！但对我而言
- To you, maybe not, but to me... - Look at that. Sorry, buddy.
噢～看那边！抱歉兄弟
- Fuck you, Jonny! - That's the way...
去你的！唐冏
Hi.
该死！
Shit!
So, uh...
那个
我现在有个交往对象
I'm sort of seeing this girl.
你说什么？
- What did you say? - What do you mean, what did I say?
需要解释吗？
你是说
- Did you say...? - She asked you what you said.
她问你说什么？交往是指什么？
What's the matter with that? I couldn't understand you, either.
我也听不懂，可不可以讲人话，大声点
Speak up and talk like a human being.
冏爸，嘘！
- Shush. - What's your problem?
你有啥毛病？
唐冏，是指你谈恋爱了吗？
- Jon. Did you say you found her? - What?
- Well, I said I'm sort of... - Oh, my God! What's her name?
喔是啊
夭寿了！她叫啥名字啊？
- Barbara. - Barbara! Barbara what?
芭芭拉 - 芭芭拉姓什么？
又怎样
- Here we go... - Shh! Barbara what?
你嘘！她姓什么？
- Barbara Sugarman. - Sugarman?
芭芭拉舒格曼
舒格曼！?
- She a Jew? - I don't think so.
是犹太人吗？ - 我想不是
什么！你不知道？
- You don't know? - We haven't really talked...
嗯，我们没详谈过
很显然地，至少不是意大利人
She's not Italian, we know that.
舒格曼，是黑人吗？
- Sugarman. She black? - No.
不是！
她长得怎样呢？
What does she look like?
她是我此生见过最美的女孩！
She's the most beautiful thing I've seen in my life.
- Oh, boy. - Baby! Oh!
宝贝，喔！
这是我听过最甜蜜的情话
That's the sweetest thing I ever heard anybody say.
- And does she love you? - Wait a minute. Love him? You kidding?
她爱你吗？
等等！她爱他？开什么玩笑？
- Jon, shush! - They're kids, for Christ's sake!
冏爸，嘘！ - 他们还只是个孩子
又如何？
- So what? - You know what? Don't call me a kid.
别老叫我孩子，好吗？
我们讨论过了，我讨厌这词
We talked about this, I don't appreciate it.
真拍谢！ - 爸！我是很认真地
- Excuse me. - Dad, I'm asking you nicely.
什么！别叫你孩子？你本来就是小屁孩
To not call you a kid? You're a fucking kid.
- Jon! - Fuck You!
操你的！
想操我！你刚刚说要操我？
- Fuck me? Did you just say fuck me to me? - Jon!
冏爸！
He said they're in love, they're in love. It doesn't matter how old they are.
他说他们彼此相爱，爱跟年纪无关
他年纪都比你当时结婚还大了
He's older than you were when we got married.
拜托！他是你儿子耶！
You know that? For God's sake, he's your son!
你爱这女孩？
You love this girl?
Yes, I do.
是的！没错
Then when do we get to meet her?
那我们啥时跟她见面
Oh!
All right, Mom, OK.
好啦，老妈！ - 真好！
oh!
Bella? Sweetheart, come over here.
贝拉！甜心！过来！
Come on, let me fix your lipstick. Here we go.
来！让我帮你补个口红
你真美！ - 谢谢
- You look so beautiful. - Thank you.
我再帮您加点酒吗？舒格曼太太
- Can I get you a refill, Mrs. Sugarman? - You don't have to do that.
小冏，你不必替我斟酒
不！这是我的荣幸
- No, it's my pleasure. - Jon.
小冏，你见过达里尔吗？
- Thank you. - Jon, you meet Daryl?
- Oh, wow. - You wanna hold him?
想不想抱一下她！
呃，我不确定
- I don't know... - Come here.
接好啦！宝贝 - 好
- Here you go, babe. - OK.
- All right. Is that good? Is that right? - Yeah.
哇赛！这样抱好吗？
这样抱对吗？
You look so cute, the two of you.
你们两个看起来超可爱
Barbara!
芭芭拉！
- How long have we been up here for? - Not long.
我们上来多久了？
还没很久
Well, I gotta go, we gotta go. Come on, let's go. Come on. Come on.
我该走了，我们该走了！
来吧！我们走吧
Close the door.
关上门
OK. Let's take a break and when we get back we'll go over the course syllabus.
现在下课，下堂再来解释课程大纲
嘿！
- Hey. - Baby! How is it?
宝贝，课上的怎么样？
- It's great. - Yeah? You're on break?
很棒啊！ - 是吗？下课了？
- Yeah. How did you know? - Your schedule's online.
是啊！你怎么知道？
网路上有课程表
宝贝，我为你感到骄傲
- Baby, I'm just so proud of you. - Thanks.
谢谢
宝贝 - 什么？
- Baby? - Yeah?
Can I come over when you're done?
放学后我想约你
- You wanna come to my place? - Mm-hm.
你想来我家吗？
- What, tonight? - Yeah.
什么？今晚？
没错
OK, great.
好啊！太好了
- You get back to class, sexy man. - All right.
你快回去上课吧，帅哥
报告是！
再见宝贝！ - 好，再见
- Bye, baby. - OK, bye.
Jesus fucking Christ!
是在搞啥密
- Excuse me. Sorry. - Oh, fuck, I'm sorry.
抱歉
妈的！对不起
没关系！没事
It's fine. It's fine.
嗨，宝贝！ - 嘿
- Hi, baby. - Hey.
没关系！ - 宝贝
- It's OK. I'll be right back. - Baby...
马上回来
I'm in love with Barbara. I am.
我很爱芭芭拉，非常地爱
今晚我终于有机会上她
And tonight, I finally got to fuck her.
But I'm sorry to say, it's still not as good as porn.
但是很遗憾的是
还是看A片比较爽
胸部
Tits?
Best ever.
史上最赞
Ass?
屁股
Best ever.
史上最赞
高速吸引
Blow-job?
吸个头，做梦！她又不是拓也哥！
Shit. Good luck. A girl that hot? She doesn't have to give head.
她才不帮人吸咧！
For her, she just wants to go from kissing, to naked kissing, to fucking.
对她来说，她只想亲亲，然后抽插
Or, you know, making love.
就是制式的“做爱”
这种“做爱”就是
And when I say "making love," I mean...
传教士姿势
...missionary fucking.
不是背后式
No doggie. No cowboy.
不是女上男下
- What the fuck are you doing? - Baby!
你在干嘛？ - 宝贝！
你他妈的在干嘛？
- What the fuck are you doing? - I was reading e-mails.
我在收信
不！你不是！你在看A片！
- You weren't. You were watching porno! - That's not what that was.
才不是咧！ - 少来！我都看到了！
- I saw you! - But, baby...
但是宝贝！ - 不准叫我宝贝！
Don't call me that. Oh, my God! That's the most disgusting thing
这是我毕生看过最恶烂的事
- I've ever seen in my life! - Wait, don't go right now, please!
等等！拜托别走！
我不想知道那些恶烂事！那很变态
I don't even know what that is. That's sick...
宝贝，听我解释
- But, baby, I'm telling you... - Don't call me that!
不准叫我宝贝！
但我得澄清！刚刚那是恶作剧
But I'm telling you, that thing I was watching was just a joke!
是我酒肉朋友捉弄我的影片
Some dumb-ass buddy of mine sent it to me as a joke. Come on!
You think I'm the kind of guy that watches porn?
我看起来像爱看A片的人吗？
不像！你看起来不恶心！
No, you didn't seem like that type.
对啊！把不到妹的宅宅才看A片
Right. 'Cause fucking losers watch porn, guys that can't get laid.
Well, no. My friends' boyfriends are watching porno on the Internet all the time,
不一定！我朋友的男朋友无时无刻
都在网路上看A片，脏死了！
- it's fucking disgusting. - It's stupid is what that is.
真他妈的蠢！有辣妹在身边干嘛看A片？
Why would they watch porn when they can get with a real girl?
所以你都不看？
- So you don't do that normally? - No.
绝对不看！
When was the last time you did that before this?
你上次看是什么时候？
I don't even know. When I was a kid or something.
我忘记了，小时候的事了
You're never gonna do it again?
你永远不会再看A片了吗？
No. Why would I?
不会！我干嘛看？
- Promise? - I promise.
你能保证？
我保证！宝贝
Baby...
我最爱你
I love you.
Come here.
过来
不是我不戒，只是觉得何必呢？
It's not that I can't stop. I just figure, why should I?
女友不爱我看，那又怎样？
I mean, my girlfriend doesn't like it. So she doesn't have to know about it.
她又不会知道
这不算欺骗，我又不在她面前看
It's not like I'm cheating on her. I don't do it when she's around.
And everything's fine.
最近相安无事！
She has been spending a lot of time at my place, though. So I looked into it.
但她最近常来我家待很晚
所以我只好偷看
手机随时可看A片真的很方便，太神奇了
And it's pretty amazing how easy it is to get porn on-the-go these days.
So...
所以
Excuse me? Sorry, were you on your phone?
抱歉，你在讲电话吗？
No.
没有
- I'm Esther. - Good to meet you.
我是伊瑟 - 很高兴认识你
你叫什么？
- What's your name? - Jon.
唐冏
希望没有打扰到你
- I hope I'm not bothering you. - No, it's fine.
喔！没有关系
我只是想跟你说声抱歉
I just wanted to apologize. I don't know if you remember,
我不知道你是否记得
上周很尴尬地被你撞见
you caught me in a kind of an inopportune moment last week.
- When I was sobbing by the door? - Oh! Yeah, sorry, I'm sorry about that.
我当时在门边哭
喔，抱歉！我很抱歉
拜托你不需要道歉！
Please, don't. Please, don't you apologize. You didn't do anything wrong.
你没有做错事
我只是觉得我该跟你致歉
- I felt like I should say something. - OK. Well...
好吧，嗯
因为我一直在想，想很多事
Because I've been thinking about it, a lot actually, and I realized that,
然后我意识到，没有人看过我哭
you know, nobody's seen me like that in, like, six months,
都有好几个月了真的是很罕见
- and it's not like it's a rare... - Good evening, everyone.
同学晚安
很失控的情况
...a rare occurrence, I mean, I do that all the time,
我常干这种事，我很爱哭
I'm crying all the time. It's just something that I do in private now.
不过都躲起来哭
On the one hand, you go there when you go there.
刚好你经过那里
躲躲藏藏也不好，对吧？
On the other hand, it's really fucked up to keep it hidden, right?
That's what became clear to me when you startled me.
当你看着我时，我突然明白这个道理
You didn't, you didn't mean to startle me, you walked by,
你没有盯着我瞧，只是走过去
我只是想跟你说声谢谢
but I just... so I wanted to say thank you.
你刚抱歉，有点失礼
Were you... I'm sorry, this might be rude,
但你刚刚在用手机看A片吧！
but were you watching people fucking on your phone?
- What? No! - It's OK if you were. I'm not judging you.
哪有！
是也没关系，我不会评判你
听着！小姐，现在在上课
- Lady, I'm just here to take this class. - Did you just call me "lady"?
你叫我小姐？
是！请你自重
So you take care.
Oh, yeah. Sorry. Say no more.
抱歉！我闭上嘴
- I'm sorry. - No, it's fine.
对不起 - 不！没关系
What, are you fucking kidding me?! You're fucking kidding me, right?!
搞屁啊？车乱超！找死
- Baby! - What?
宝贝！ - 怎样
I feel like I should leave my jacket in the car. Maybe not. Should I bring it?
我是不是该留外套在车上？
还是应该穿着？
你爱怎样都行
- Yeah, whatever you want. - Oh...
- I'm nervous. That's all. - Why you nervous?
我开始紧张了 - 干嘛紧张？
我不知道
- I don't know... - You got nothing to be nervous about.
不需要紧张，你今天超美
You look beautiful. God, you look beautiful.
好吧！ - 天啊！你超美的
Oh.
准备好了吗？ - 好了
- Are you ready? Go ahead. - Yeah. All right.
嗨！妈！ - 嗨！
- Hi, Mom. - Hi.
Oh, hello, hello! You must be Barbara.
你好你好！你肯定是芭芭拉了
- Hi, Mrs. Martello. Here, for you. - Thank you, and please call me Angie.
嗨！玛特罗太太！这个送你！
谢谢！叫我安琪姐就好！
进来！快进来！
Come in, come in. Jon! Jonny's here! Come say hello to your son!
冏爸！小冏来了！
出来跟你儿子打个招呼！
- Please. - Let me get by you there, babe.
我帮你介绍
Dad? I would like you to meet Barbara. Baby, this is my dad.
爸，这位是芭芭拉！
宝贝，这是我爸！
- Hi, Mr. Martello. - Hey, good to meet you.
嗨！玛特罗先生！ - 真高兴见到你
天啊 - 冏爸！
- Jesus Christ! - Jon!
Oh, I... I wasn't expecting such a lovely lady, that's all.
上帝啊！我没想到你那么漂亮！
Thank you. It's so nice to finally meet you both.
谢谢！
我很高兴终于能见二位
是我的荣幸
My pleasure, my pleasure.
Well, please sit down and I will be right back.
请坐，我马上回来！
我可以帮忙做些什么吗？
- Can I help you with anything at all? - Oh! I love her already.
喔！我已经爱上你了！来吧甜心！
- Yes, please, sweetie, come on. - You want me to take that, babe?
外套我帮你拿，宝贝
嘿嘿冏宝贝
- Hey, hey, Jonny-boy! - She's cute, right?
她超正对吧？
可不是嘛！你没说你马子是这款！
Are you fucking kidding me? You didn't tell me you were bringing home
- a piece of ass like that! - I told you she was the most beautiful thing
我早说过，她是我毕生见过最美的
- I've ever seen in my life. - Yeah, you told me, but I mean,
你是说过，但是老天！
Jesus Christ, those tits! They're real?
那对奶子是真的吗？
- Yeah, they're real. - Oh! Fuck me!
是真的！ - 喔！我的老天
- Did you clear the table? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here, here, honey.
麻烦清个桌面！
好宝贝！
我把这拿走，然后可以把生菜放那边
Let me move this here, so you can put that right there.
放这？这里吗？
- Right here? - Right there. That's perfect.
那里真完美
So tell me. Tell me, how did it go?
你们是如何认识的呢？
我跟几个女性朋友去听乐团
I was out with some girlfriends. We went to see some band.
那时候你也去听了吧
Back then you used to see bands when you went out.
- Honey, what band was it? - You think I remember?
亲爱的，是哪个乐团？
我哪记得！
都28年前了，我当时也没在听
It was 28 years ago, and I didn't even give a shit then.
总之，我那天晚上看到他
Anyway, I saw him early in the night,
后来才知他也在注意我
I don't know if he saw me till later, but I saw him.
一见钟情
And I saw her, you couldn't miss her.
其实我早注意到她，不可能不看到
- She was like you. - Thank you.
她像你一样美丽
谢谢
- You know what I said? - Listen to this.
你知道我说什么吗？
你们听听
I said right then, right when I saw her, I said...
当我一看到她，我马上说
你是我的！
..."That's mine."
- Oh, God. - Yup. And he was right.
好浪漫！
是啊！好直接！
Can you... Well, that's beautiful.
你相信吗？好美的故事
踢得好！快看！
- Oh! Big play! Look at that! - OK, Jon.
够了！冏爸
好啦！爸
- All right, Dad. - All right, yeah.
干得好！长大啰！
- Good job, big guy. - Sweetie, so nice to meet you.
再见甜心，今天真高兴见到你 - 再见，谢谢你的招待
- Bye, Mr. Martello. - Please call me Jon.
再见！马特罗先生
叫我冏爸就好！
OK, Mom.
好了吗？亲爱的
- All right, babe? - Oh! Bye.
- Bye-bye. - Bye.
- Bye-bye. - Drive safe.
嘿开车小心
我喜欢她！我喜欢她！
- I love her! I love her! - Pretty good, huh? Not bad at all.
是啊！真好！真是太好了！
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.
以圣父圣子圣灵之名，阿门
阿门，祝福你，我的子民
- Amen. Bless you, my son. - Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
原谅我神父，我有罪
我已经一周没告解
It has been one week since my last confession.
Tell me your sins.
向我坦诚你的罪
Since last Sunday, I had sexual intercourse out of wedlock seven times.
上周我有七次婚前性行为
But... I stopped watching porn.
但！我戒掉A片了
Yeah, no more of that, just the intercourse now.
我没看A片了，只有人体交媾
So...
对我所犯下的罪，我很抱歉
For these and all the sins of my life, I am sorry.
五遍主祷文，五遍圣母经
- Five Lord's Prayers and five Hail Marys. - Thank you, Father.
谢谢神父
我以圣父圣子圣灵之名赦免你的罪
Through the ministry of the Church, may God give you pardon and peace,
and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, of the Son
- and the Holy Spirit. - Amen.
阿门
待会回来我们会讲关于员工的心理
Very good. OK, when we come back, we'll go over employee personality testing.
Go ahead, take a break.
先休息一下
- Hi. Mind if I sit down? - You know, actually, I...
嗨，你介意我坐这里吗？
呃其实我
我带了好东西给你
- I brought you something. - You what?
啥？什么东西？
- What's that? - Open it.
不！我不想收你任何礼物 - 不！你先打开
- I don't want to take that from you. - No, no, open it.
只是一个小东西，没什么！打开吧
It's something silly. It's a little thing. Go ahead.
好吧！我打开就是了
All right. I'll open it.
干这啥小？!
- What the fuck is this? - It's actually pretty good.
这部是经典
- What is the matter with you? - Have you seen it?
你有病吗？ - 你看过这部吗？
你是肖仔！
- Are you crazy? - It was made by this Danish woman
这是这丹麦女孩十七岁时拍的
in the '70s. It's probably not what you're used to looking at, but it's pretty hot.
或许不是你平常的口味
但这部真的超正点的
OK. Look, I have a girlfriend, all right? So...
听好！我已经有女友了！所以
不好意思，你以为我在搭讪你？
I'm sorry, did you think I was hitting on you? Because I'm not.
并不是
那这是哪招？
Will you just take this?
这不是贵重的礼物
I didn't mean for it to be a big thing. I thought you could use something better
我想你打手枪应该用些好货
than that shit you're watching on your phone.
比看手机好
Am I right?
说得对吧？
如果你都有女朋友了
If you have a girlfriend, why are you watching dirty movies?
干嘛还看色情电影？
- What? - I'm just asking.
啥小？
我随口乱说
- You're fucking weird, you know that? - I don't entirely disagree,
你真他妈的怪咖
我不否认，但你假装传APP
but you're the one who's gonna pretend you're texting
其实是用手机看男女假高潮！
while you watch people pretend they're fucking on your phone!
小姐！这影片绝对都是真枪实弹！
The shit I watch on here, they're not pretending.
Of course they are.
可不是吗
Forgive us our trespasses...
宽恕对你的冒犯
宽恕别人
...as we forgive those... who trespass against us...
对我们的冒犯
...and lead us not... into temptation...
不遇见诱惑
...but deliver us from evil...
脱离邪恶
宝贝
- Baby? - Huh?
What are you doing? You talking to yourself?
你在干嘛？自言自语吗？
- Yo, Jonny, you coming out tonight? - That's dubious.
嘿，问问！今晚要不要出去玩？ - 不太可能
不行！我在等芭芭拉电话
I'm gonna wait for Barbara to call. We're gonna meet up for dinner.
我们约好吃晚餐
见色忘友！去死啦！
- This fucking guy. Come on! - What did you think he was gonna say?
不然你以为他要干嘛？
我以为这个娘娘腔会有点魄力
I thought he still had a pair of balls hanging between his legs.
你的话听起来很智障，我替你感到可悲
You sound so fucking stupid to me right now, I feel sorry for you.
去你的冏冏！ - 我为你感到可悲
- Fuck you. - I do. I feel sorry for you.
你没真正爱过，所以你根本不懂这感觉
You never been in love, so you don't know what you're talking about.
等等！坠入爱河？
Hold up. Wait a minute. In love?
是的！当你真爱上一个女孩
When you really love a girl, there's a lot that goes into it.
爱情会带给你很多很多
你说你爱她？
- You're saying you love her? - Of course I love her.
什么意思！我当然爱她啊！
- I never heard you say you loved her. - You weren't paying attention.
我没听你说过你爱她
是你没注意，我对她一见钟情
I've been in love with this girl since the first time I saw her.
我干嘛还要浪费时间，四处猎艳？
Why would I wanna go out and try to pull randoms?
其他货色都没有我马子来得正！
None of 'em are gonna look as good as my girl,
也没有我马子的服务好！
none of 'em are gonna fuck me as good as my girl.
- Really? - Yeah, really.
真的假的？ - 百分之百真的！
她真有那么棒？
- So she's good? - What did I say? Yeah, she's good.
你耳聋吗？她超棒！她最正！
- She's the best. - So you titty-fuck her?
那她愿意让你上？
Bro, she lets me do whatever the fuck I want.
兄弟！她让我随时想上就上！
看吧！我跟你说过，你就是不听
This is what I'm trying to tell you, if you would listen to me.
让我教你们几件事！
I'm telling you guys something. You be a man, you do the right thing,
是男人就要“好好干”
找到你的真命天女，认真交往
you find the right girl and you treat her the right way?
奇迹就会发生！
Watch what happens. Best sex of your life.
峰峰相连到天边的高潮！
嗨，宝贝
Hey, baby.
嘿 - 嗨
- Hey. - Hi.
- I love it when you wear this shit. - Oh, you're crazy.
你穿这件让我欲火焚身
你神经啊！
- You good? - Yeah. You order anything yet?
你好吗？ - 你点菜了没？
没！等你来 - 真贴心
- No, I waited for you. - Sweet.
- Oh, fuck! - Who's that?
喔！该死！
怎么了？那是谁？
It's Linda. She's been fighting with Chris.
琳达，她跟克里斯吵架
I don't think they're gonna work out.
我不觉得他们还会在一起
你记得琳达跟克里斯吗？
- You remember Linda and Chris, yeah? - Yeah, yeah.
记得
我觉得他们挺配的
- I thought they were cute together, no? - Sure. They seemed pretty good.
是啊！他们看起来很配
是啊！她都二十八岁了
She's 28 years old. She put like four years into the guy already. It's terrible.
投注了四年的感情在男友身上，好惨
你今晚怎能溜班出来？
- How did you get off work tonight? - I got Stevie to cover my shift.
我叫史提夫帮我顶着
史提夫！ - 对啊！他想要更多时数
- Stevie? - Yeah, he needed the hours.
我不认识史提夫吧？
- I don't think I know Stevie, no? - No, I don't think you ever met him.
对，你们俩没见过面！
- Oh! I wish somebody would cover for me. - See? What did I tell you?
我也想有人可以帮我代班
看吧！跟你说做服务业不错吧
The service industry, it's not a bad thing.
你穿西装一定超好看 - 那可不一定
Come on, you're gonna look so good in a suit.
- I don't know. - What? Please.
亚曼都能做了，他可是个废材
If Armando can do it, that man is such an asshole.
他视女人为蝼蚁，但月薪六位数
He treats women like they're trash, but... he makes six figures.
Well, he's got a pretty great life, no? if he could do it, you could do it.
很多女人想倒贴他
他都能做业务，你一定也行！
Hey, baby. You're a winner, right? You respect people.
宝贝
你加油好吗？你天资聪颖
一点就通
You listen to people.
你这么认为？
- You think so? - I know so, mister.
我一直都知道
干！
Fucking 'caused it! Fuck!
Hi, babe.
嗨，宝贝！
我不知道该买哪个
I don't know which ones to get. Baby, what do you think?
宝贝，你觉得呢？
That depends. You gonna drill into your wall?
都可以，你想在墙上钻孔吗？
I don't know.
还不确定
- You don't have a drill, do you? - No.
你家里没有钻孔机吧？ - 没有
Nah, I didn't think so. My dad has got a pretty good one.
我想也是
我爸有个蛮高级的
我可以跟他借去帮你钻
If you want me, I can borrow his, I'll do it for you.
- You gonna drill into my wall for me? - Whatever you want, babe.
你要帮我在墙上打洞？ - 任你差遣！
You decide what color. I'm gonna meet you at the registers.
你决定颜色吧！结帐处碰头
我去挑点清洁用品
I wanna pick up a few things in cleaning products.
Where are you going?
什么，你要去哪？
- What? - Where are you going?
什么？ - 你去哪？
我的除尘布用完了，顺便买一些
I'm almost out of Swiffer pads. I'm gonna pick a few up.
是啥么布？“脏会灭”牌的
- What pads? - For the Swiffer.
- I don't know what that is. - You don't know the Swiffer?
我听都没听过，那是啥？
你不知道“脏会灭”这品牌！真的假的？
- What is that? No. - Seriously? It's the best.
它超好用的！一定要买！
You gotta try it. What do you do for your floors?
不然你都怎么擦地板？
你家的地板好干净？你都会拖地？
You got those nice floors at your place. What, do you mop?
- No. - What do you do?
没有
不然你呢？ - 我都用扫把随便扫扫
- I don't know. I sweep it up with a broom. - No, I mean to really clean it.
我是说彻底清洁
- I don't know. The housekeeper does it. - Oh, right.
钟点阿姨会扫
好吧！我很快就回来，好吗？
- Listen, I'll just be a second, OK? - No, no, no. Come here.
不过来 - 干嘛？
- What? - You're not gonna go buy a mop right now.
你不会现在要买拖把吧？这样很尴尬耶
- It's embarrassing. - No, I told you, it's not a mop.
不是的！我说了
这不是拖把，是一种除尘垫
- It's these pads. - I don't care.
随便啦！反正你不应该做家事
You shouldn't be doing your own housework.
干嘛不？ - 因为你是男子汉大丈夫！
- Why not? - 'Cause you're a grown man.
你不应该自己扫地
- You shouldn't be cleaning your own floors. - Why? I enjoy doing it.
为啥？我很爱作家事
好吧！我打给罗莎，叫她帮你扫
You know what? I'll call Rosa. She'll do your place.
谁？ - 罗莎，打扫阿姨，家事一把罩
- Who? - Rosa, my cleaning lady, she's great.
宝贝谢了，我喜欢自己打扫
Babe, no. Thanks, but I like doing it myself.
你开玩笑的吧？你没必要自己扫！
Are you kidding me? You don't got to be doing that.
不要！她一定扫不好
She won't do it right anyway. You gotta vacuum my carpet a certain way,
吸尘器要用某个角度吸地毯
不然地毯的毛会
不要跟我聊吸地板！ - 干嘛？怎么了？
- or else it looks... - Don't talk about vacuuming in front of me.
- Why? What's wrong? - Why? Because it's not sexy, that's why.
为什么？因为听起来超解嗨！这就是原因
宝贝你没听懂！我爱我的住处
You're not listening to me. I like my place, OK?
我喜欢自己整理
I'm proud of it, I like to take care of it.
我不管，我们现在不要谈这个
I don't care. We're not having this discussion right now.
我的生活我只在乎几件
There's only a few things I really care about...
我现在不想听这个！
We're not talking about this anymore.
- Fine, let's drop it. - Good.
好，那就不谈吧！ - 好极了
选这个吧
Those ones.
你要买这个？ - 对压！
- You want those? - Yeah.
Come here. Listen to me.
听好了！当我们以后住在一起时
When we're living together, you're not...
你不能再做打扫的工作了
...going to be doing... any cleaning.
Come on.
好吗？
Jon? Excuse me.
唐冏
Look, I know you don't wanna talk to me.
抱歉！我知道你不想再跟我说话了
我会离你远远的，我发誓
I would leave you alone, but I swear to God,
我只是刚刚睡了整堂课
I just fell asleep during that entire class.
整整一堂课
The whole fucking thing. Can I copy your notes?
可以跟你借笔记去印吗？
I'd ask somebody else, but everyone in the class are like children.
我本想问别人啦！
但其他人看起来都很幼稚
不是说你老
I'm not calling you old. It'll take like five minutes...
笔记就借我五分钟
- Do you mind? - Fine.
你介意吗？ - 好啦
非常感谢你
Thank you so much. Do you wanna go somewhere? There's a cafe...
约哪边还？那边有家咖啡店
我女朋友在家等我，所以
My girlfriend's waiting at home, so...
喔好！那我那就这样吧
Oh. OK, well, then I'll... OK, I'll do this.
I really shouldn't get so high after lunch if I'm gonna be coming here later.
我真不该下午抽大麻，搞得上课想睡
You're probably right.
也许吧
真无聊，你不觉得吗？
It is pretty boring, don't you think?
什么？
What?
我说上课还真他妈的无聊！ - 没错！
I said this class is pretty fucking boring.
Oh. Yep.
他们只想把你教成机器人
Like they're teaching you to be a robot.
- Why are you here? -Hm?
你干嘛来上夜校？
- Why did you pick this class? - I didn't.
干嘛选这堂课？
我不想 - 啥？
What?
No, it seemed like a good idea. I'm in the service industry now.
不是！只是为了文凭
因为我做服务业
你是端盘子的？ - 不是
- You mean you're a waiter? - No.
- Bartender? - Yeah, so, if you wanna move up,
酒保？
对！如果想提升社会地位，需要学历
- you gotta go to school. - Right.
But what do you mean you didn't pick this class?
但你说没选这堂课，是什么意思？
我有选啦
- No, I did. - Did somebody pick it for you?
别人帮你选课？ - 没啦
- No! - Was it your parents or your girlfriend?
是你爸妈还是女友选的？ - 关你屁事！
- What is it with you? Huh? - No, I just...
等等我只是
我只是在想 - 这是我的生活
- I was wondering... - I'm doing something polite...
那本是我的
That's mine.
OK. Sorry.
拍谢了
天啊！
Jesus!
Oh, man! Oh, God!
妈啊，老天！
- Hey, baby. - Hi, Jon.
嘿，宝贝！ - 嗨，冏！
怎么了？
What's wrong?
Remember when we first started dating?
还记得我们第一次约会吗？
What's the one thing I asked? I said, "Don't lie to me."
我只提了个要求，要你别骗我
好啊！谁说我坏话？ - 没人说
- All right, who's talking shit about me? - Nobody said anything.
我不懂你指什么
- You gotta help me out... - You looked at 46 porno sites today, Jon.
你今天浏览了46个色情网站，唐冏
单就今天！ - 我真的被弄混了
- Just today. - I don't know what you're talking about.
少装蒜！ - 我不知道谁跟你乱讲！
- Don't fucking lie to me! - I don't know who told you that!
没有人讲，因为它就在你的记录里
Nobody said anything. It's right there in your history!
你根本整天看A片嘛！
All you do is look at porno. That's all you fucking do!
你他妈的整天做的事！ - 等等！
- Wait, wait. My what? - It's in your history.
我的什么？
你的历史记录，浏览器都有
In your browser?
Come on, don't tell me you don't know what your history is.
拜托！别说你不知道什么叫历史纪录
No. Of course you don't, 'cause if you did, you would have erased it,
不！你肯定不知道
不然你早就清空了，然后一直装乖宝宝
like a good little phony. Here.
来吧！
There. Go ahead, look. Go ahead.
来看快看
宝贝，我 - 住嘴！不要叫我宝贝
- Baby, I... - Please, no, don't call me that.
我爱你
- I love you. - Don't ever say that to me, ever again.
再也不要说你爱我这种鬼话！
那你要我说什么？
- What do you want me to say? - What do I want you to say?
要你说什么？
怎么不说
How about, "I'm sorry I've been lying to you since the first day
很抱歉，从第一次约会就开始骗你
that we started dating"? How about that?
你说说啊！
我真的很抱歉！真的
- I'm sorry. I am. - How about, "I'm sorry I have more sex
你怎么不说：我很抱歉
我爱跟A片搞，多过搞你
with that thing than I do with my girlfriend"?
First of all, everybody watches porn, OK? All guys.
好啦！第一件事，大家都看A片，好吗？
男人说他没在看的，都是在骗你
Any guy tells you he doesn't is lying to you.
听你胡说八道 - 第二
- You are so full of shit! - Second of all...
- You are full of shit! - Second of all, you know damn well
我听你在放屁
第二点！你明明知道我们都很常爱爱
- we do it all the fucking time! - Yeah, I know we do.
是啊！说做就做！ - 随时随地！
- Whenever you want! - So what the fuck is wrong with you?
所以你脑子有问题吗？
你他妈的是做什么？
What the fuck are you doing? How do you watch that shit?
干嘛看这种下流的东西？
我不知道！连我自己也不知道
I don't know! OK? I don't know!
那你为什么又要看那些无聊的爱情电影
How do you watch all the stupid fucking movies you watch?
How do I watch movies? What are you talking about?
干嘛提到电影？在说什么鬼？
我说，你看的烂片
I'm saying, you probably watch that shit as much as I watch porn.
应该跟我看的A片一样多
你说什么？这跟我看电影无关
What are you saying? That has nothing to do with anything!
我就是要说
- I'm just saying... - Jon, movies and porno are different!
小冏，电影跟色情片完全两回事
电影可以得奥斯卡奖！
- They give awards for movies! - They give awards for porn too.
A片也有自己的“噢湿卡”！
噢，闭嘴！你给我闭嘴
Shut up! Shut the fuck up!
I can't believe we're talking about this.
我不敢相信，我们居然在吵这个
I'm sorry. Jesus. Look, stop it.
抱歉，我们别吵了
我不懂我哪根筋不对劲
I don't know, I don't know what's wrong with me.
是我对不起你，好吗？对不起
I'm sorry, OK? I... I'm sorry. I am so sorry...
I really liked you, you know?
我真的很喜欢你，你知道吗？
I thought you were different.
我以为你跟别人不同
But you're not.
但发现根本都一样
到今天为止，我个人纪录是一天10次高潮
So up until now, my record was ten in one day.
And for a long time, I thought I'd never beat that. But today...
长久以来，我以为我永远不可能打破纪录
但今天
- ...I hit 11.
是11次！
And you know, when I have great fucking days like this,
我常常爽到翻白眼，就像今天
让我想起，自由自在的单身生活
it just reminds me how much I love being single.
我想做什么
- I do what I want, when I want.
就做什么
I don't have to flake on my friends anymore.
不放兄弟鸽子
I don't have to waste my time in a fucking classroom.
不用浪费时间上鸟管理课
It just feels good, like... like I got my own life back.
那感觉真好
重回人生的正轨
I mean, you think I could have hit 11 when I was with Barbara? No! Definitely not.
你以为芭芭拉可以让我射11次？
少来！不可能！
So...
所以
- Jonny-boy! - Jesus, bro, I can smell it on you already.
冏男孩！!
天啊！老兄，我老远就闻到你酒味
出来玩就是要嗨呗！
- You got to catch up, baby! - You mean I got to buy your poor ass
你意思是，我该请你这可怜虫喝一杯？
- a fucking drink? - Yo, the Don mad anxious tonight.
唐公子，今晚出来猎艳吗！
操你的！
- Fuck you! - Where's wife?
你的真命天女呢？
- Fuck that bitch. - Oh, shit!
噢，那贱货
妈的！ - 该死！
- Damn, OK! - All right.
好吧！先说这妞你不能要
You can't have this one, 'cause I saw her first, but check out pink.
是我先看上的
瞧那个粉红女
Yeah. She's all right.
她还行
- Hey, fuck you, buddy! - Fuck you!
去你的！ - 去你的！
What'd you say? Huh? What the fuck did you just say?! Hey!
你说什么？
啥？你他妈的说了什么？
你想说啥小？
You wanna say some shit? Let's hear it, you fat fuck! What did you say?!
大家听一下，这个死胖子说什么？
我说我操你的！
- I said fuck you! - Fuck me, huh? Fuck me?
要操我？操我！
Is that what you said?! Huh? Huh? You fuck! Ah!
你刚刚说要操我，是不是？
干！
Fuck! Goddamn it! Fuck!
干！去你妈的！干！
以圣父圣子圣灵之名，阿门
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
阿门，祝福你，我的子民
- Amen. Bless you, my son. - Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
原谅我神父我有罪
我一个礼拜没告解了
It has been one week since my last confession.
冏冏！你去哪了？ - 别担心
- Jonny, where were you? - Don't worry about it.
你的手怎 - 妈，没事的
- What did you do to your...? - Mom, it's fine.
- Shh! - Hey, hush yourself!
嘿！嘘啥小！
Mom! It's fine. OK?
妈，没事好吗？
Tell me your sins.
告解你的罪
Father, I don't know what happened, but...
神父，我不知道我怎么了，但
我想我失控了
...I guess I lost my temper and I...
I punched through this guy's window on my way here right now.
我在刚刚来的路上，打破人家车窗
我没有伤到人，可是
I didn't hurt anybody, but...
Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with me.
我不知道我在发什么疯
我看A片，DIY35次
Also, I watched pornographic videos and masturbated 35 times.
我很抱歉我所犯下的罪
For these and all the sins of my life, I'm sorry.
- Twenty Lord's Prayers and 25 Hail Marys. - Thank you, Father.
二十遍主祷文，二十遍圣母经
谢谢神父
我以圣父圣子圣灵之名赦免你的罪
Through the ministry of the Church, may God give you pardon and peace.
愿神赐予你宽恕与平静
I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Amen.
阿门
- So Barbara couldn't come tonight? - No, she had this family thing tonight.
所以芭芭拉今晚不来吗？
她今晚有家庭聚会，她很想来但来不了
But she wanted to make it, she just couldn't.
她请我跟大家问好
- She told me to say hello to you guys. - That's sweet.
她真贴心
你们两个最近好吗？
Everything good with the two of you?
- Yeah, she's great. - She's a catch, Jonny.
恩都很棒！
你挖到宝了，冏冏！
大正妹
Beautiful girl.
I'm telling you, a woman like that make a boy into a man.
我跟你说
像这样的女生会让你成为男子汉
I can see it on you too, it's starting.
我看得出来，你有些不一样了
Holy Mary...
圣母玛丽亚
...Mother of God...
神之母
...pray for us sinners...
为罪人祈祷
...now...
现在
在死亡时刻
...and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
阿门
搞啥？
What the fuck?
你来干嘛？
- The fuck you doing here? - Damn, really?
真的很难找！
我有点忙
- Bro, I'm busy. - Word, what you doing?
说来听听，忙什么？
Right. Just 'cause you don't pick up your phone don't make you busy.
一直忙着不接电话吧
- You smashed up somebody's car? - Who told you that?
你砸了某个人的车？
谁跟你说的？
Kerry's sister said she heard you broke through some guy's window.
凯瑞的妹妹听到你砸破人家车窗
你有砸吗？ - 那车主太贱了！
- Well, did you? - The guy was a fucking asshole.
车主有怎样吗？ - 你干嘛帮他说话
- What did he do? - Why you taking his side?
我没站他那边 - 你就是有
- I'm not taking his side. - You are.
等等你先想想再说
Stop and think for a second. Stop and think for a second.
我才不管那车主
I don't care about that guy, I don't give a damn about his car. Fuck him.
我管他车去死！去他的！
你以为我来找你干嘛？
What do you think I'm doing here, man?
- You wanna have a seat? - Bro, honestly...
你想聊聊吗？ - 老实说
老兄！给我坐下
Man, sit your ass down.
- All right, what happened with your girl? - Fuck that bitch.
你跟你女朋友怎么了？
叫那贱人去死
你之前骂过了，她甩了你？
- You said that already. What, she drop you? - No.
没
No? You drop her? After all that, she cheat on you?
没有？
那是你甩了她？所以搞半天她劈腿？
不是啦！
- No! - So, what happened?
所以是怎样？
没事啦！就因为一个超蠢的原因
Nothing! It's so fucking stupid. That's what I'm saying, she's a bitch.
所以我叫她贱货
所以是她甩了你！你做了什么？
She did drop your ass. What did you do, man? You cheat on her?
你偷用“素肚”了？ - 没有啦！
No!
All right, you wanna hear this shit? It's so fucking retarded.
你想知道真正原因吗？超白痴的
She caught me watching porn.
她逮到我看A片
- That's it? - Right?
就这样？ - 是啊！
太荒谬了！ - 我发誓是真的
- That's bullshit. - Swear to God.
我的天啊！
Oh, my God! OK, hold on, hold on, all right.
等等等一下
所以，你搞了一堆必修课
So after all that obligatory shit, the friend mixing and meeting her folks,
还要跟她朋友打成一片，去见她的家人
she just walks in on you, you know, beating your meat to a little video
只是抓到你对小萤幕搓揉小兄弟
就要分手？
- and she's out? - You don't know her.
你不懂啦！她是疯子，简直有公主病
- She's crazy, she's a princess. - Goddamn!
他妈的！ - 是啊！
- I know. - No, for real,
真的！行为真的跟神经病一样
that's some crazy bullshit right there.
去她的！ - 对！去她的！
- Fuck that bitch. - Yeah. Fuck that bitch.
But you still gonna finish that class?
但你要继续完成学业吗？
- Really? - What are you, my mom?
真的吗？ - 你是我老母吗？
不是啦！想说反正都快上完了
No, I just thought it was almost done. How much longer you got?
还要上多久？
各位，我们还剩三周就期末考了
All right, everyone, three more weeks until the final.
If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to e-mail me. Have a good night.
如果你有任何问题，请email给我
祝你们有个美好的夜晚
嘿
- Hey. - Hi.
嗨
你要去哪？ - 去开车
- Where you going? - To my car.
喔，该死！ - 噢！没事吧？
- Oh, shit! - OK.
没事！没事的，没关系
No, we're fine, we're fine, we're fine.
Oh, my God!
我的天啊！
应该让你抽点这个，刚刚表现会更好
Should've smoked this before, you might've relaxed a little.
刚刚是很糟糕吗？
What's that supposed to mean?
I'm playing with you. Trust me, I'm a perfectly satisfied customer.
闹你的啦！相信我，我非常满意
- You want some? - Thanks.
要来点吗？ - 谢了
So I'm parked all the way on the other side. I don't know if you want...
我的车停在另一边，不知道可不可以
没问题先让我先抽完
I know, you wanna get back, so let me enjoy this and I'll drive you back to your car.
然后我载你回你车子那边
好
OK.
- So, what happened with your girlfriend? - Fuck that bitch.
所以你跟女友怎么了？ - 操！那贱人
- That bad? She find somebody else? - No.
这么严重？她跟别人搞上了？
不是
你想知道发生什么事？那我就告诉你
Wanna know what happened? I'll tell you what happened.
She snooped around on my computer, she found out I watch porn.
她偷看我电脑，然后发现我看A片
我告诉她每个男人都看A片，她就是不信
I told her every fucking guy watches porn, she didn't believe me.
她一副好像我背叛她一样
She acted like I was cheating on her or something, which I wasn't.
可是我没有啊！
So... we broke up.
所以我们就分手了
And you know what? I'm glad we did.
而且你知道吗？我超高兴的
- Just porn? - Yeah.
只因为A片吗？
没错
少来我不信！
- No, I don't buy it. - I'm telling you. That's all.
随便，信不信由你！
Was it just once? Oh.
只有一次吗？
OK. So she caught you once, which is why you're watching it on your phone at school,
所以她抓到第一次
之后你只好在学校用手机看
因为你不想被她抓包
'cause you're hiding it from her, but she caught you the second time.
但她又抓到第二次
我猜对了吗？我只是随便猜猜，但
I don't know. Am I right? I'm just guessing, but...
Oh, God, you're like a junkie. You can't stop.
天啊！你是A片上瘾患者，你没法戒
- How often do you watch it? - What the fuck do you care?
你多久看一次A片？
你他妈问这干嘛？
每天看吗？
- No, like every day? - Every guy watches porn every day.
每个男的都是天天看A片！
好吧！那你最近何时没有看？
All right. When was the last time you went a day without it?
不记得！ - 拜托！试着回想一下
- I don't know. - No, come on, try and think.
真的！我真的想不起来 - 是这礼拜这个月？
- Seriously, I have no idea. - Like this week, like this month?
不是！我爱我的A片们
No. I like my porn, OK? I watch it every day. I always have.
就每天看啊！每一天
也许在我还小的时候吧！
Maybe when I was a kid, like before I had a VCR in my room and I couldn't,
我房间那时候还没有录放影机
but even then I had Playboys, so...
但我那时候有花花公子杂志，所以
你有想过要戒掉吗？
- Have you ever thought about quitting? - Quit...?
戒掉？
You're talking about it like... No, why would I?
你干嘛把这件事搞得
不！我干嘛要戒？ - 不是！
好吧！让我先问问你
OK, let me ask you this.
你长得很帅，有很多女生会喜欢你
You're a good-looking guy, I'm sure you attract a lot of young ladies.
那为什么要依赖A片呢？
Why bother with porn when you can have the real thing?
你都有真人了？
不！那感觉不一样
Nah, see, it's not the same thing.
我的意思是：真鲍也不是都好鲍
I mean, real pussy's all good, but, no offense...
不是说你！
没关系
No, no, no offense taken. So you like porn better than sex?
所以你喜欢A片胜过跟真人做？
哪里不同？
Well, what is it? What do you get from porn
什么是A片里有，而性爱里没有的
that you don't get from sex with an actual person?
- I lose myself. - You lose yourself.
我可以完全投入
全然放松！
Yeah, just... goodbye.
然后就
高潮了
所以你跟马子做爱没有吗？
- And that doesn't happen when you have sex. - I wish it did.
我真希望有
Sure, don't we all? Um...
当然，谁不想？
OK. One more question, then I'll drive you back.
好吧！最后一个问题
然后我就送你过去
- You ever jerk off without porn? - What do you mean?
你不看A片硬得起来吗？
什么意思？
拜托！我没有性成瘾好吗？
I'm not like a junkie. Come on, that's stupid.
只是A片，又不是海洛因
It's porn, it's not fucking heroin.
I knew a few guys in high school who actually smoked crack, like all the time.
我高中同学他们无时无刻都在吸
他们那才叫上瘾啦！再也戒不了
That's like a junkie. They couldn't stop. I could stop if I wanted to. I could.
我想戒的话随时都可以，我可以抗拒的
嗨 - 嘿
- Hi. - Hey.
你很兴奋呢
- Somebody's excited. - Yeah. Come on.
是啊！来吧
我想跟你说 - 怎样
- I wanted to talk to you. - Yeah? What about?
说啊？
Don't you wanna...?
你不想
Don't you wanna wait till after class?
你不想下课再说吗
OK.
那好吧
All right.
好吧
你今天性致高昂，怎么了？
You're... You're intense today. What's going on with you?
我想跟你证实
- I gotta talk to you. - I didn't think you meant that
你不都说我在唬烂
- when you said it. - Well, I did.
现在我信了
Well, I'm flattered. What do you wanna talk about?
我很高兴！
所以你想说什么？
Um...
So you were right.
你说的对
关于你女朋友的事？
- About what, your girlfriend? - No.
不是
抱歉，那我说对什么？
I'm sorry. I was right about what?
我没看A片了
- I stopped watching porn. - Oh, yeah? That's great!
喔！那太好了
这算好还是不好 - 当然好
- I don't know if it is. - No, it is.
I wasn't gonna stop, but then I was thinking about what you asked me before,
我本来不想这么做，但我想到你问过我
隆f 1 ever jerk off without watching porn, and 1 tried to...
我是否能不靠A片打飞机
所以我试了一下
是吗？
- Yeah? And you couldn't? - No, I couldn't.
然后发现我无法
我不知道问题出在哪
I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been trying for a week, it's really fucked up.
我试了一个礼拜，但超惨的
我的天！你整整一周都没射？
- Oh, my God! You haven't cum in a week? - Mm...
OK, wait. No. I want to hear the rest of the story.
我想听接下来的情况
- So you haven't watched porn in a week. - Yeah.
所以你已经一周都没看A片
没错
那很好！
- That's good. - What do you mean?
“很好”是什么意思？
你说你也看A片啊
You said you watched porn.
但是我给的那影片，真的
Uh, yeah, but that movie that I gave you was totally...
- Did you ever watch it? - No.
你有没有看？ - 没看
太好了！那不是天天看的东西
OK. It's totally unlike the stuff that I imagine you watch every day.
内容不太健康
- That is not healthy. - What do you mean? How do you know?
什么意思？你怎么知道？
我的天，拜托！
Oh, my God, please! That stuff is ridiculous
那部技巧很夸张，根本不是正常性爱
and it's nothing to do with actual sex. That's why you have trouble with real women.
这就是你面对女性，有障碍的原因
不！我跟女生可以射出来的
- No, I get off fine with real girls. - Yeah, you definitely do.
是啊！你肯定很行
Yeah, I just couldn't get off beating it with my eyes closed.
我只是没法闭着眼睛，把它打出来
But didn't you tell me last week that you like porn better than real sex?
但你上礼拜不是说
看A片比真人抽插好？
Well, honey, I'm gonna be honest with you, 'cause it seems like that's what you want.
亲爱的，我得老实说
或许这才是症结所在
听着！你上床的方式
Look, the way you have sex, it's like totally one-sided.
比较像单方面
It's like I'm not even there.
就好像我根本不存在
I mean, look, it's fine with me. I'm not complaining.
其实我无所谓，我也不是在抱怨
因为无意义的性爱
It just so happens that meaningless sex is something that I want in my life now,
刚好是我现阶段想要的，但是
but you said that you wanna lose yourself in sex.
你说想在性爱里，达到极致高潮
If you wanna lose yourself, you have to lose yourself in another person.
但如果你要高潮，必须得跟女方配合
她会与你在高潮中融合
And she has to lose herself in you. It's a two-way thing.
性爱是双向的交流
你知道吗？我不应该跟你说这些
You know what? I shouldn't have said that.
没关系！ - 不我很抱歉
- No, it's fine. - No, no, no. I'm sorry. I am.
你在说什么？
- What are you talking about? - No. I'm really sorry.
不！我真的很抱歉
我不想伤害你
I'm... I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
没有伤到我 - 我真的不想
- You didn't. That's fine. - No, I really didn't.
You know what?
有个提议
Let's take a bath.
一起泡个澡吧？
- What? Nah! - No, come on. It'll be nice.
什么？才不要！ - 来嘛！
会很赞，很舒服的！
Come on, let's take a bath.
来嘛，一起泡澡！
I'm gonna get you a towel.
我拿毛巾给你
Hey, where were you?
嘿，你跑去哪？
我随便拿里面的毛巾擦，你别介意
I used one of the towels that was in there, hope you don't mind.
没关系
Yeah, that's fine.
怎么了？
- What's wrong? - Nothing.
没事
你不是一个人住吧！
- You don't live here alone, do you? - I actually do.
我一个人住
There's some kind of... bad marriage situation here?
可是浴室有
其他人的痕迹？
- No. - I know it's none of my business, sorry.
不！
我知道这不关我的事，抱歉
我只是不想被抓奸在床
I don't wanna get caught out and now some guy's coming at me with a bat or some shit.
或被男人拿棒子打昏
不！不会这样的
No, it's nothing like that.
All right. So, what is it?
所以那是怎样？
Since when do you ask me personal questions?
你何时对我私人问题感兴趣？
Since right now.
从现在开始
- It really doesn't matter. - Well, it seems like it matters to you.
其实根本没事
但你看起来很有事的样子
No, it doesn't.
真的没事
你不是说过，遮掩真相很糟糕吗？
Didn't you tell me it's sort of fucked up to keep stuff like this hidden?
My husband and my son died 14 months ago.
我的丈夫跟我的儿子
十四个月前去世了
- Jesus! - Thank you.
老天保佑！ - 谢谢
怎么会？
What happened?
Cars are terrible things.
车子根本是杀人凶器
I'm sorry, but your hair is so much better this way.
不好意思，头发简单点比较好看
什么！
- What? - I can touch it.
我能感受到
- What are you talking about? - You put so much junk in your hair,
你说什么？
你以前爱在头发上抹东西
it's all sticky and hard, this is much better.
搞得又黏又硬，现在这样好多了
这是超棒的共鸣
鈾?Good vibration
多么甜蜜的感受
鈾?It's such a sweet sensation
鈾?It's such a good vibration...
这是多么棒的共鸣
YO！是时候跟着节奏！
鈾?Yo! It's about that time
一起呼吸！一起律动！
鈾?To bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme...
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
以圣父圣子圣灵之名，阿门
阿门，神保佑你，我的子民
- Amen. Bless you, my son. - Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
神父原谅我的罪
我上次告解是一个礼拜前
It has been one week since my last confession.
跟我坦诚你的罪
- Tell me your sins. - First of all, I lied to you before.
好吧！第一，我以前骗了你
我之前跟你说
I told you that, uh...
Well, actually, I don't know if it was you.
其实我也不知道上次是不是你
Something I've always kinda wondered is, is it the same guy I'm talking to every week
我疑惑每周是跟同个神父告解吗？
还是神父之间会交接？
or there's a few of you and you switch off, or... how does that all work?
你们是怎么轮的？
Well, anyway, I told the Father a while back
算了！反正我跟之前那个神父说
that I stopped watching pornography, but that was a lie, I didn't stop at all.
我没看A片
但其实我说谎，我还是一直看
而这次我真的整周都没看了
The thing is, this week I actually did stop, like totally just not doing it anymore.
真的完全戒了
So...
所以
- Yes? - Yeah, so that's like zero for the week.
是的！
所以我这周是零A片周
Other than that, I did have sex out of wedlock one time,
还有，我有一次婚前性行为
but it was different, it wasn't just sex, it was like...
但是感觉不太一样
不只是做爱，比较像
这很难说明，反正就是这样
I don't know, it's hard to explain, but... yeah, that's it. So...
For these and all the sins of my life, I am sorry.
我很抱歉我所犯下的罪
- Ten Lord's Prayers and ten Hail Marys. - Really? Same thing, no difference?
十遍主祷文，十遍圣母经
等等！真的假的！量还是没变少？
愿神赐予你
Through the ministry of the Church, may God give you...
等等神父！很抱歉打断你
Wait! Father, I'm really sorry,
but could you just tell me how you got to those numbers, please?
但可不可以告诉我
你怎么决定这祈祷文次数的？
因为我真的觉得，这礼拜会变少一点
'Cause I... I really thought there was gonna be a difference this week.
Have faith, my son.
神心中有把尺！我的孩子
愿神赐予你宽恕与平静
Through the ministry of the Church, may God give you pardon and peace,
我以圣父圣子圣灵之名，赦免你的罪
and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
那个我分手了
- So, uh... me and Barbara split up. - What?
什么！?
- Barbara and I split up. - I can't believe it, this is horrible!
我跟芭芭拉分手了！
真是难以置信，晴天霹雳！
可以把她追回来吗？
- Can you get her back? - I don't think so.
恐怕无法
有试着打给她吗？
- Did you try to call her? - She doesn't want me to call her.
她不要我打给她
看看你干的好事！
- Look what you did. - Sorry. What do you want me to do?
抱歉！那你要我怎样？
I just want you to be happy, that's all! Is that too much to ask?
我只是希望你能幸福，就这样
这样会要求太多吗？
- I wasn't happy. - A nice wife and some nice kids?
但我不快乐
有妻子跟孩子呢
看看我！
Look at me! I look like a grandmother,
我老得像阿嬷一样
但却没孙子可以抱！
but do I have any grandchildren? No!
你的意思是，我是个不称职的母亲吗？
Am I a bad mother, is that what I'm hearing?
亲爱的，冷静下来！
- Honey, calm down, please! - You know, Ma, I don't know
妈，我不确定我是否要有婚姻生活
- if I really want a wife and kids. - What are you saying? You don't mean that.
你说什么？不是真的吧？
冏爸，说话啊！
- Jon, say something! - All right!
Stop upsetting your mother! What the fuck is the matter with you?
拜托别惹你妈生气了
你有毛病吗？ - 或许有吧
- I don't know. - Having a family is the greatest joy
男人有个家庭，是毕生最大幸福
- in a man's life, everybody knows that! - Then maybe I'm not a man.
这是约定俗成的
那我把鸡鸡夹起来！
'Cause I sure don't want a family. Maybe one day, but not right now!
因为我不想成家
也许有天会想，但不是现在！
都因为她独断独行
- Well, and that's all she wanted. - What did she say?
她说什么？
我说那女生
- I said that that girl... - I cannot hear any fucking thing!
我现在什么鬼都听不到！
- What are you saying? - All I'm saying is, that girl,
你说什么？
我是在说那女孩啊！
她很强势主观，根本不关心唐冏
she has her own agenda. She doesn't care about Jonny,
she doesn't know the first thing about him.
一点都不了解他
她只需要哈巴狗，对她言听计从
She just wants a guy who's gonna do whatever she tells him to.
现在分手是解脱！
It is a good thing that she broke up with you.
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
鞭辟入里！
客气了！
- Jon, I will fucking kill you! - All right. Easy.
问爸！再看我就杀了你
好啦冷静
All right, listen, listen, I gotta go, so I'll see you later? All right. Bye.
听着，我必须挂了晚点聊
再见了
- Sorry. - That's cool.
抱歉
没关系
很抱歉迟到了
- Sorry about that. - No problem. How you doing?
没事，你好吗？
- A little windy. - Yeah, it's windy out here.
今天有点风 - 对啊！外头风有点大
- So... I'm good. How are you? - Good, thanks.
嗯我很好，你呢？
我也很好，谢谢
- Everybody good? - Yeah, great.
最近好吗？ - 别来无恙
- Thanks for meeting me. - Sure.
谢谢你愿意出来
小事！
Hope you understand why I thought lunch was not a good idea.
希望你谅解，我们不适合共进午餐
没关系，你想喝咖啡吗？
- That's fine. You want some coffee? - No, actually I gotta go pretty soon, so...
不，其实我说完就走
- You changed your hair? - Yeah...
你改变发型了啊
对啊
所以？ - 所以
- So? - Yeah, so...
I just wanted to apologize.
我只是想跟你道歉
I lied to you, and I'm sorry for that.
我欺骗了你
我很抱歉
Well, that's all you're gonna say?
这就是你想对我说的？
I don't really know what I do with that. What do I say?
我不知道我该怎么做或说什么
若原谅你的话，我们要复合吗？
I forgive you, or we're supposed to get back together or something?
不是！我只是想致歉
- No. No, I just wanted to tell you... - You're not capable of a relationship, Jon.
你无法维持一段感情，唐冏你很难
- You're not. - No. Right now I'm not.
没错！我无法
因为你太自私，还是个骗子
'Cause you're a selfish person, and you're a liar.
- Yeah, I was. I'm sorry. - I asked you to do one thing for me...
我曾经是，我很抱歉
我只求你为我做件小事
Yeah. I was thinking about that when you said it before.
我想起你之前说过的
Well, I said it because it's true, that's why.
因为我说的是事实，是这样嘛
- It's not true. - Really?
不是事实
是吗？
你不是要求我做一件事
You didn't only ask me for one thing. You asked for a lot,
你是要求我做各式各样的事
a lot of different things and then...
我没办法全部达成
...I couldn't do it all for you.
Well, when a real man loves a woman, he doesn't mind doing things for her.
如果男人爱这女人，他通通能做到
赴汤蹈火，在所不惜
He'll do anything for her.
Yeah, but don't you think that sounds a little bit one-sided?
但你不觉得，这是单方面付出吗？
No, I don't.
我可不认为！
But that's why you like to watch those whores in those videos,
所以你爱看A片里的荡妇
因为她们从不要求你付出，对吗？
because you don't gotta do anything for them, right?
Yeah, that's one-sided also. Definitely.
这也算单方面付出，没错！
听着！亲爱的我要走了，好嘛
Look, sweetie, I'm gonna go, OK?
Don't call me anymore.
别再联络了
这回合GG了，臭小子感觉如何？
The streak is over, motherfucker! How's it feel?
我宁愿跟朋友去吃披萨
- I'd rather get pizza with my boys. - That's new.
真是大新闻啊！
每次出来混都是唐公子通吃！
Every fucking time we go out, Don Jon smashes!
But not tonight, ladies and gentlemen.
但今晚不一样啰！各位先生女士！
粉丝伤心欲绝！
The fans are devastated. Jonny, what happened?
想问问唐冏怎么了？
Yeah! Well, I thought it was on with old crop top.
哎呀我以为你会把那个露肚脐的
不要吧！那女的超烦
- No, that girl was annoying. - She was tight though.
但她身材好
8分 - 仅止8分
- Eight. - Solid eight.
她身材有8分
Her body was at least an eight, but you didn't talk to her.
但我跟你说，你没跟她交谈过
谁管跟她交谈？
- Who cares how she talks? - You asked why I didn't smash,
今晚为啥没通杀，这就是原因
that's why I didn't smash. What about you? You were kicking it to pony-tail, right?
你怎样啊？
去跟马尾女搭讪，不是吗？
搞定没？
- How did it go? - You get her name?
知道名字了吗？
- I got a number. - Oh! Hey!
我还拿到电话咧！
不错吧！ - 棒透了！
- You like that? - Fucking right I do!
- Easy, easy. Did you get her name? - Yeah!
慢点慢点！
那名字是什么？
当然！
Wait...
等等
- Oh, fuck! - What?
妈的！ - 干嘛？
我还是存成马尾妹！
I saved it as pony-tail.
- Danny-boy! - Danny-boy!
丹尼葛格！ - 这下糗了
All right, all right, all right. Take it easy, take it easy.
好了好了！放轻松
This fucking lady.
她彷佛我的克星
I don't usually like it when a girl looks me right in the eye,
我通常不喜欢女生直视我的眼睛
and this girl does that a lot.
但这个女的一直盯着我
But I don't know what it is about her. When she does it, I don't mind.
虽不知道，她干嘛盯着我瞧
但我完全不在意
I just look right back at her, and pretty soon...
我也盯回去，然后很快的就
勃然而起
...I'm hard as a fucking rock.
It's like she knows what I'm thinking.
她似乎知道我的想法
Or I know what she's thinking, or...
或者说，我知道她在想什么
I don't know, it's that two-way thing. I fucking love it.
这就是彼此的交流，而我就爱这种
And I don't mean love like, "I love her, I wanna marry her."
我说的 "爱" 并非嘴巴说 '我爱她
请嫁给我那种
我完全没在考虑结婚这件事
I'm definitely not thinking about all that shit.
And she's not either.
她一定也没想过
She can't.
她也无法
I guess I just mean love like,
我所指的爱
you know, like when we're making love.
就像在鱼水之欢时
我们更贴近彼此
And while we 're doing it, all the bullshit does fade away,
所有事都可以抛到九霄云外
全世界只剩下我和她
and it's just me and her, right there,
我在她体内，恣意挥洒
and yeah, I do lose myself in her,
也感觉到，她身体的颤动
and I can tell she is losing herself in me,
美好的性，不只高潮而已
and we 're just fucking... lost together.
还有双向的爱
献给所有想爱的。懂爱的。追爱的女女男男